Cupid

"Don't worry about it,
I've got you covered."

I am worried about it.
Plenty of fish in the sea, my ass!

Tell that to the last unicorn.
I've got unicorn problems, man!

Try explaining unicorn problems to a sea turtle!
That's not going to fly.

What the hell am I?

That's never going to fly.
I've got unicorn problems, man!